I left that work for many reasons, inability to be myself ranking very high amongst them and I have made decisions which have allowed me to be open with everyone I interact with (except my dad). Now my work is mainly with Sacred Pleasures, and pro domming, and my social life has grown out of that and general kinky things. I don’t have vanilla friends any more so I can freely express who I am and what I like whenever I want. I consciously try to be open about all aspects of my interests as this makes me feel like one person, not different people hiding and revealing different things which may or may not be acceptable.

But sometimes I do question why I would even want to speak about BDSM, which is essentially my sex life, with people I barely know, and wonder about the TMI question you raised. I also wonder how much people see me as a whole person when I freely babble about these things, or do they just see the queer pervert who hangs from hooks through her flesh and gets off on (consensually) hurting people.

Great post and fascinating internal thought process which in many places has mirrored my own – especially about sharing with friends and work colleagues and vanilla friends’ family members. Your post has got me thinking about my own reasons for coming more and more out…

For me, I’m aspiring to be nearly completely out about my BDSM practices and my polyamorous nature and the reason is thus: I spent so much time in active denial, confusion and shame over these things that I really was unhappy for a whole lot of years. It wasn’t until my early 30s (I’m now 41) that I came out a bit on the scene and started consciously, openly exploring what was inside me…

Well, I think there are so many other people living with such shame and guilt that I feel it’s important to somehow be open about my journey through it all to a place of contentment; to kind of let others who are living in denial know that it’s actually rather wholesome to explore those aspects of ourselves and that by doing so, we become more of a whole/integrated person.

I feel that even by limiting myself to my kinky pseudonym (Faerie Catcher), I’m somehow perpetuating the myth that there’s something shameful about it all when really there needn’t be and have thus decided to be as open as whatever container I’m in will allow me to be. At work or with Vanilla-mate’s family, the container is small, but in most places, the container is large enough for me to be completely frank about what I’m into.

Best wishes,

Sean